Put Down the Cross: Forgiving Yourself in Sobriety
For those of us who have struggled with addiction, there’s one truth we often hold quietly but fiercely inside: we’ve done things we’re not proud of. We’ve hurt people, especially the ones we love. We've lied. We've disappeared. We've broken promises, trust, and sometimes even the hearts of the people who mattered most.
Getting sober means beginning the long, brave process of facing that truth. But staying sober? That’s often about learning how to stop punishing ourselves for it.
Recovery isn’t just about not drinking. It’s about reclaiming your life—and that includes learning how to live with the choices you've made without letting them define who you are now.
One of the sneakiest ways the past tries to own us is through shame. We think we have to keep kicking our own asses to prove we’ve changed. We think we have to put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own forever, because once upon a time, we didn’t. We think we have to stay in relationships, jobs, or situations that hurt us, because, well, maybe we deserve it.
That’s not recovery. That’s punishment. And it’s not the life we’re trying to build.
Forgiving ourselves doesn’t mean denying what we did. It means accepting that we are no longer that person. It means letting go of the belief that because we caused harm, we are permanently unworthy of peace, kindness, or love. It means putting down the crosses we’ve been dragging behind us, and realizing we don’t have to keep carrying them to prove we’ve changed.
We get to move forward. We get to matter, too.
Your emotional needs—yes, yours—are important. You deserve friendships and relationships where you are treated as an equal. You deserve spaces where your story is heard, not judged. You deserve to be supported, not sentenced to carry your past forever.
That’s why finding the right people matters so much. Whether it’s a sobriety group, a trusted circle of friends, or a recovery community, we all need places where we’re seen for who we are now—not who we used to be. Places where mutual respect, compassion, and accountability exist together. Places where no one is better or worse—just people trying to do better, one day at a time.
Forgiving yourself isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a practice. Some days it will come easier than others. But no matter how long it takes, know this:
Your mistakes are part of your story, not your sentence.
You’re allowed to heal. You’re allowed to move forward. You’re allowed to be free.
The Luckiest Club
If you would like some added support and community for your sober journey, please consider joining us at The Luckiest Club. We offer more than 55 sobriety support meetings every week, have a thriving online community, and a global network of members who understand how hard – and how important – it is to get and stay sober.
Join TLC today and start your 7-day free trial!